Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Well, it here goes....

This is my first blog. It'll probably be shitty. And it probably won't get better, but it's worth a shot. I decided to write a blog, detailing ridiculous stories about growing up in a house with 6 siblings and 2 parents who didn't have the slightest idea on how to be an adult. I can promise all these posts will be true, sadly. Don't get me wrong, I love dear old mom and dad, but once you read some of these you'll understand.

"Elementary School Lunch Horror"
I'm sure there are plenty of people out there who envied the elementary school lunches their friends had. Maybe their lunch was a delicious, yet completely unhealthy, lunchable. Or maybe they wanted a healthier turkey sandwich on whole wheat bread. Maybe you had cheetos, but they had cheez-its. Whatever it is, I know I'm not the only one who envied my peers. But the reason I did was probably far from anything you've heard before, maybe not. I hope I'm not alone in this, but I also hope no one else has had to endure what I did during lunch time at Stanton Elementary.
You'd think being the youngest out of 7 children my mom would have been used to the whole "get up on a school morning, make my child's (edible) lunch, wake my child up (longer than 15 minutes before school started), give them breakfast (breakfast?), and then send them off to school"routine, right? But no, I'm now thoroughly convinced she just gave up when I came around. As long as I can remember my lunchbox...actually my lunch grocery bag, consisted of 1 of the following 3 main course items; a peanut butter and butter sandwich, a mustard sandwich, or just plain butter sandwich. Yeah you read those correctly. Usually this sandwich (if you can even call it a sandwich!) came on a hot dog bun, if we were lucky, we'd get a hamburger bun. Why we always had an abundance of buns around the house when I never remember eating burgers or hot dogs, I'll never know. The next items that were almost always put in my lunch bag, a bag full of cut up oranges that weren't even ripe yet. To this day I hate oranges. With a passion. Other common items were stale popcorn, plain tortilla chips, saltine crackers, or some random off brand cereal that had probably been long past its expiration date. Did I ever get the luxury of having a drink in my lunch? Hell no, not even water. As soon as I was old enough to realize what the hell my mother had been packing in my lunch, that bag hit the trash as soon as the lunch bell rang. I know me and my siblings have discussed mom's lunch making abilities many times, usually after we've had a few.
But in case you were wondering, this is why I drink!


  1. This is awesome! These stories definitely all need to be written down.

  2. yes, keep 'em coming. Nice writing.