Friday, September 16, 2011

Dish soap and its many uses

Well, it seems that my first blog came out better than I had expected. Yay me. I have been sitting here for the past 2 days, okay well not really, but for like 5 minutes trying to think of what story to tell next. There are so many that it's actually quite difficult to choose. But I think I found a good story. So here is another reason why I drink.

"Dish soap and its many uses."

Normal people usually have the necessary household items; like toothpaste, hand soap, laundry detergent, toilet paper, etc... you get my drift. But growing up, I rarely had the luxury of said items. I remember one incident in particular, I was older at this point, say about 16.
The normal 16 year old girl is keen on personal hygiene and her appearance. So one summer evening, one of my siblings and his girlfriend were over for a visit, and they were probably drinking, because, well that's what we do when we all get together. Any ways I wanted to brush my teeth, who knows why, I was probably pissy and wanted to go to bed, they always have a knack for pissing me off. Mostly, I deal with it by either; going to bed, or yelling... but usually both. They find it hilarious, clearly its not. That's not the point of this post though.
So I'm looking for tooth paste and its no where to be found. When I asked my crazy little mother, her response blew me out of the f***ing water, and it was that moment on that I realized I'd probably start drinking...a lot. Do you want to know what this outrageous response was? "Oh honey, we don't have any, here use salt." What. The. Hell. Use salt? To brush my teeth? Has she not heard of this wonderful item, that only costs like a dollar, its called toothpaste. And its usually minty. Salt, just the thought of it makes me gag.

From that moment on I knew if I wanted to have the privilege of proper personal hygiene, I would need to buy my own products. And to this day I have my little basket in my room complete with TWO toothpastes, TWO shampoos, TWO conditioners, and an excess amount of body wash. I can't believe she would even offer that as an option, okay well yeah I do believe because my whole life we've substituted necessary items with weird shit.

Like dish soap; my mom honestly believes dish soap is an all purpose item. Did you know that it can be used to do laundry, wash cars, as body wash, but rarely as actual dish soap...because our dishes were never clean.

Its sad that as a 21 year old female, I am ecstatic to know that there will never be a time that we run out of toilet paper, or that I can wash my car (if I had one) with REAL car soap, or the fact that I can make my Kraft Mac n Cheese with MILK!

My boyfriend doesn't really understand these stories, and often times thinks I'm exaggerating, sometimes I wish I was. But in the long run, I'm glad I do have these to share cause it makes for wonderful conversation after a few beers with my good ole' siblings.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Well, it here goes....

This is my first blog. It'll probably be shitty. And it probably won't get better, but it's worth a shot. I decided to write a blog, detailing ridiculous stories about growing up in a house with 6 siblings and 2 parents who didn't have the slightest idea on how to be an adult. I can promise all these posts will be true, sadly. Don't get me wrong, I love dear old mom and dad, but once you read some of these you'll understand.

"Elementary School Lunch Horror"
I'm sure there are plenty of people out there who envied the elementary school lunches their friends had. Maybe their lunch was a delicious, yet completely unhealthy, lunchable. Or maybe they wanted a healthier turkey sandwich on whole wheat bread. Maybe you had cheetos, but they had cheez-its. Whatever it is, I know I'm not the only one who envied my peers. But the reason I did was probably far from anything you've heard before, maybe not. I hope I'm not alone in this, but I also hope no one else has had to endure what I did during lunch time at Stanton Elementary.
You'd think being the youngest out of 7 children my mom would have been used to the whole "get up on a school morning, make my child's (edible) lunch, wake my child up (longer than 15 minutes before school started), give them breakfast (breakfast?), and then send them off to school"routine, right? But no, I'm now thoroughly convinced she just gave up when I came around. As long as I can remember my lunchbox...actually my lunch grocery bag, consisted of 1 of the following 3 main course items; a peanut butter and butter sandwich, a mustard sandwich, or just plain butter sandwich. Yeah you read those correctly. Usually this sandwich (if you can even call it a sandwich!) came on a hot dog bun, if we were lucky, we'd get a hamburger bun. Why we always had an abundance of buns around the house when I never remember eating burgers or hot dogs, I'll never know. The next items that were almost always put in my lunch bag, a bag full of cut up oranges that weren't even ripe yet. To this day I hate oranges. With a passion. Other common items were stale popcorn, plain tortilla chips, saltine crackers, or some random off brand cereal that had probably been long past its expiration date. Did I ever get the luxury of having a drink in my lunch? Hell no, not even water. As soon as I was old enough to realize what the hell my mother had been packing in my lunch, that bag hit the trash as soon as the lunch bell rang. I know me and my siblings have discussed mom's lunch making abilities many times, usually after we've had a few.
But in case you were wondering, this is why I drink!